Day 20: Finding My Center

I got up and meditated and did the AM Yoga dvd with the girls this morning, at their request. I hadn't realized just how stiff and uncomfortable and "wrong" I was feeling with my body. It felt wonderful to shed some of that with the stretches. Now, I am planning on a busy day working on the book, plus there's a painting I'd like to get a start on today, but I think I really need to spend a good hour devoted to meditation.

As always, I have to focus on mindful eating rather than automatic eating.

No more self-loathing for cravings for the animal products. I accept that this is a process, a journey. Eventually I may reach the place where I no longer crave cheese. In the meantime, I'll accept that these things are likely to happen, and move on.

There. I feel a bit better just acknowledging it.

Now onto the other cravings: I had a fleeting thought yesterday about the types of things that I typically crave, the starchy, salty, carb-laden, cheese-covered things and wondered what it was about the taste/eating experience that I craved.

Was it the mouthfeel of the dense starchiness?
The heaviness, the solidity of it in my stomach afterwards?
The sharp saltiness on my tongue?
The creamy cheesiness?

Not sure yet.

I certainly don't crave iceberg lettuce. Hell, I can't stand that stuff. There's nothing redeeming about it, nutritionally or gustatorily. A salad made of romaine, spinach, endive and radicchio is much better than some limp, soggy mess of slimy iceberg lettuce.

But I digress.

What is it exactly about these comfort foods that I crave? It's nothing to do with a nutritional deficiency: I certainly can't claim that in times of stress my body's stores of salt and carbohydrates suddenly plummet, sad to say.

Is it some emotional connection with those foods and if so, why those foods?

What is it about them that even creates an emotional connection?

There has to be some chemical connection ultimately, because when you get right down to it, we are a massive stew of electro-chemical reactions.

So anyway, something to mull over.

Oh, "mull" makes me want wine. I still have no idea if the wine I have in my cabinet is even vegan. I'd say it probably isn't. I guess I'll stick to water for today.