Monday, June 15, 2009

Day 29: "Now is the Time on Sprockets Ven Ve Dance!"

Ok, not really. In fact, in the swirling torrents of my mind right now, it actually goes something more like "Now is the time on Sprockets ven ven obsess over our veight."

Ugh. I weighed myself today, and inexplicably, I am up a pound and a half from Friday. I knew it was happening too, because I could feel the water weight accumulating over the weekend. I hate that. It makes me feel like a bloated sponge. I wish I could just wring myself dry.

What. The. Fuck?

I haven't been eating unhealthy foods, I haven't been overindulging, the portion sizes aren't gluttonous, yet *BAM* I haven't even been overdoing it on the breads, well, except for yesterday. I made my whole wheat flatbreads to accompany the cauliflower and lentil dish and had four of those; 1 "tester" straight off the griddle when I was cooking them, another to test the cauliflower dish as it was simmering and then two later on with the meal. Granted, they're small, but still. I'll have to put them in the freezer until I can sort this out.

So, how lovely, my firm resolution of the other day is basically all shot to shit, and I am now obsessing over the idea of doing this Eco-Atkins plan that's got people's tongues wagging. Basically, for two weeks I'd eliminate the carbs I do eat: the whole wheat bread, whole wheat tortillas, potatoes, grains & the occasional Guiltless Gourmet chips. Oh, and the damned vegan pancakes. I never really cared about pancakes before, I don't know where this craving came from.

Part of me really hates that I've become so scope-locked on this as primarily a weight loss issue, instead of as a healthy lifestyle & ethical change, when it's both. I guess I assumed that now that I am eating healthily (and virtuously for God's sake, I'm saving cows and pigs and chickens), the pounds should be melting off of me as quickly as they did the first time I adopted a vegan diet. I remember losing 20 pounds pretty damned quickly, but then again I am 40 now, and was 18 then. Big difference in metabolisms.

Anther option would be to go raw, which would mean no cooked or processed anything: bread, tortillas, hummus, refried beans, cooked lentils, tofu, seitan, tempeh, fake meats. Basically a lot of what I've spent money on the past three weeks at the grocery store. It's just not economically feasible to throw food out, that's throwing money out, so I'm going to say no to going totally raw. I am going to continue keeping the bulk of what I eat raw fruits and vegetables though.

So I think that for the next two weeks I'll just cut out what flour-based items I have been eating, along with the occasional rice or potato dish along with the snack indulgences and anything that might still have sugar in it, though to be honest, I haven't used white sugar in months. I'll increase the amount of protein because I've read that boosting the higher-protein plant foods might be especially helpful for vegan women looking to lose weight.

I am keeping the fruit, at least for the next two weeks. If the pounds don't start sliding off in a steady manner, then I'll see about taking the drastic step of eliminating them for two weeks.

So, a sample menu for my day on an Eco-Atkins diet would probably look something like:

Monster Green Smoothie
20 almonds

apple with peanut butter

1/2 cup of hummus with 2 cups of raw vegetables: raw red bell pepper, celery, grape tomatoes

1/4 cup of roasted soy nuts

Celery sticks with cashew cheese

Tofu and veggie scramble

So, lots of raw vegetables, beans, nuts, soy and legumes for protein, plus some fruit and plenty of water. Oh, and I won't be stepping on the scale again in a while. Let's see where I am after two weeks of doing this.

Of course, getting back to the title and the sentiment Dieter's expressing in the photo to the right, you know, I really should get up and dance, or so some cardio daily. My copy of Yoga Booty Ballet beckons.

If the weather cooperates today, I will walk instead of drive to pick the kids up from school, and tomorrow is my little one's big day at the Zoo, and she made me promise to come on the field trip with her, so no doubt we'll be walking all day, plus I'll have my own bevy of kindergartners to herd.

This would all be so much easier if I had the support of a loving spouse, but yet again, one of life's big lessons is that if you don't love yourself, then really why the hell should anyone else love you? It's especially difficult in those times when you feel as though you really want to give up, but you know that you can rely on a loved-one to buck you up. Don't get me wrong, I get a ton of support from my friends, and I appreciate every bit of it, but it's a different kind of support from the type you get from someone who loves the hell out of you. So yet again, I have to suck it all up and just pull through this shit on my own. It's tiring, and kind of demoralizing after a while.

Well, enough of that Monday morning negativity.


Tracy Warner said...

I changed my diet four months ago, only weighed myself 3 times during that whole time -- but in total, I've dropped 15 lbs. I run about twice a week and just try to eat less crap. But I still eat whole wheat pancakes, and lots of brown rice and starches. My husbands lost over 20 lbs. I don't think diets where you deprive yourself whole food groups will last long. I know I'd get bored of raw vegetables all the time. :)

Be patient with yourself. If you check your weight every day or week you'll start to get weight obsessed. If that's what you're eating daily, the weight will come off soon enough.

I'm excited to see how your eco-atkins plan works out :)

Allison Dickson said...

This may be too TMI to ask here, but do you think it's your monthly cycle at all? We women have to deal with that little bit of extra bloat during certain times of the month, I've noticed. I would imagine you're not taking in much sodium, but could that be a factor? What about the weather out there? Has it been hot?

I don't know. It just sounds like you're making really good choices. And yeah, metabolisms slow down over time. I feel like you often, even when I've been really "good," the weight just doesn't budge, even though I feel great and my clothes fit a little better. That number on the scale still has a lot of power to affect our minds. Just don't forget all you've accomplished, how great you're feeling overall, and the good you're doing for your body. All of that is a lot greater than a measly pound and a half. :)

Babs said...

Tracey, thanks for commenting.
Did you switch to a vegan diet too or just an overall more healthy diet? 115 pounds is a significant loss, congrats! :)

"If you check your weight every day or week you'll start to get weight obsessed. "

Too late for that, I've been dealing with an eating disorder for 25 years, weight obsessed is only the tip of the iceberg, this switch to a vegan lifestyle is the healthiest choice I've made!

I think I will just boycott the scale and continue to eat well. I am still undecided about this Eco-Atkins business, because it DOES seem unwise to eliminate an entire group of healthful foods.

I think that there's something else at work here because I just noticed right now that I am blowing up like a balloon: I can't even get my watch on, my wrist is so swollen from water gain. I mean, it's like the end of the 3rd trimester water gain. UGH.

Babs said...

Allison: It does sound like the normal monthly water retention nuisance, but the timing is off, unless of course, this "peri-menopause" business means that everything gets thrown off.

I certainly am blowing up like a big fat water balloon though, it;s insane. I feel a marked difference from this morning even. It's insane.


I have to learn NOT to get discouraged at the first setback.

Ultimately, one of my goals is overall better health, not just a speedy weight loss. I need to print that out as a banner.

Tracy Warner said...

Oh no! I didn't lose 115, just 15. That WOULD be mighty impressive though. :)

I understand the weight obsession. We just don't own a scale. The only time I can weigh myself is at Andrew's parent's house, so that keeps the temptation away. God knows I'd be weighing myself multiple times daily if we had a scale.

So I originally went vegan about a year ago and gained a lot of weight (you have a post about it, which rang really true)-- just because it's vegan/organic doesn't mean I can eat endless amounts of it! Now I've switched to whole wheat, whole grains, more vegetables, more fruit, LESS eating out. I think eating out was our downfall. Columbus has so many good vegan spots, but they're loaded with sodium and all sorts of delicious, restaurant fattiness. I feel better than ever now, though.

Babs said...

"Oh no! I didn't lose 115, just 15."
Duh, that was a typo on my part. :p Sorry! lol

"just because it's vegan/organic doesn't mean I can eat endless amounts of it!"

This is SO true, and eating out is a huge culprit. I don't eat out a lot, but I am a damned good cook and enjoy eating what I make, so I have to get in the habit of halving recipes or freezing half automatically to limit temptation.

I think I'm just going to ban the scale for a month, seriously. The obsession with a stupid number wrecks my mood and throws my self-esteem into a spiral which is hard to recover from.

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